preconceptions

I should like to save the Shire, if I could-though there have been times when I thought the inhabitants too stupid and dull for words, and have felt that an earthquake or invasion of dragons would be good for them. But I don't feel that way now. I feel that as long as the Shire lies behind, safe and comfortable, I shall find wandering more bearable: I shall know that somewhere there is a firm foothold, even if my feet cannot stand there again
-Frodo in The Fellowship of the Ring, JRR Tolkein

Instead, I'd begun to imagine my life in a foreign country, some faraway land where, if things went wrong, I could always blame someone else, saying that I never wanted to live there in the first place. Life might be difficult for a year or two, but I would tough it out because living in a foreign country is one of those things that everyone should try at least once. My understanding is that it completed a person, sanding down the rough provincial edges and transforming you into a citizen of the world.
-"See You Again Yesterday," Me Talk Pretty One Day, David Sedaris [the rest of the essay is hillarious!]

It's taken me awile to realize what I expected from Peace Corps service. I didn't really know which country I was going to, so I didn't contemplate a culture. Once I did find out where I was going, I searched for all of the information that I could coming up with 1. It's not safe in South Africa and 2. Everyone that has been here loved it.

It took me until October to realize that I expected a green, lush setting . Yes, the trees are green now that it's rained, but what about the brown fields and ground? And why is it brown for the majority of the year? Other volunteers brag about the avocado, mango, guava, and banana trees in their backyards. I have some scary chickens. I think the chickens know they're ugly and run around trying to avoid each other.

During training, volunteers came and told us to cherish the little happy things. My patience is better than it was at home (I swear Mom!), but there seems to be so much mediocre time just waiting to be filled with something. Relationships aren't built in a day; I didn't expect them to take more than a month either. I wait for people to warm up to me with an every-ready smile. I explain why I'm in South Africa for the thousandth time; I greet for the millionth. Yet, I am still waiting for the beginnings of relationships to grow into friendships or peer-working-relationships. Previous volunteers warned that it really takes a month or a year to form the type of realtionships I want. Patience. . .

I also didn't count on sticking out this much. I mean, I knew I would, but I always thought the joy of screaming, "Lekgowa!" (white person) would wear off and eventually I'd become Lethabo (my South African name). Even children screaming "Lethabo!" and waving gets old after awhile, but being labelled as the 'other' was never fun to begin with.

But unwanted attention from children is a small worry. Men (any where from 16 to 40) hit on me so often. At home, I'd flirt a little then walk away or tell the person to leave me alone as soon as I'd had enough and the person never failed to leave me alone. Here, I greet (it's rude not to) then suddenly, the situation turns for the worse. I spot blood-shot eyes and an open beer but without beer it can be just as bad. "I love you!" "When will I see you again?" "You're beautiful!" "Have my baby!" "Marry me!" play like a broken record. I fear talking to men. I'm even starting to wonder if there's something I'm doing wrong, but reason steps in and saves me from persuing that thought.

The nurse warned me that most Peace Corps volunteers lose their periods, "It's normal, don't worry if it happens to you." I just didn't really believe her.

I always imagined answering, "are you homesick?" with a resounding, "NO!" Instead, I say, "No, but I think about home a lot." I'd love teleportation to be worked out or to discover a wormhole down the street. I don't want to go home forever, just long enough to enjoy a movie, macaroni and cheese, brownies, (the current fantasy), feel the brisk air, or just giggle over any of the great things that happen here without a week's delay. I'm sick, but I don't want to go home.
Happy Thanksgiving! Look for a wormhole close to you. . .